There's a Portal on your Lawn
by Steven Miller
Summary: Crazy Dave shows up at Aperture Science after a portal opens on his lawn. Oh, and hordes of zombies too.
1. Chapter 1

There's a Portal on your Lawn

Steven Miller

Chapter 1

Crazy Dave was sitting on his lawn when the zombies came. He quickly grabbed some seeds and his nuclear generator. He set up rows of sunflowers, peashooters, and other plants that wouldn't be edible. The plants grew automatically. No one knew whether they grew because they were magic, or if was just the high levels of radiation. Crazy Dave put on his favorite frying pan (he had a large collection) and watched as the zombies came. Some had buckets, some had cones, and some had only one arm. Some zombies had screen doors and some danced. As the zombies came, a portal opened on the ground.

"Ace of fours!" Wheatly yelled victoriously.

It was late at night and the cores were having their daily poker game.

"Playing cards are said to be invented in China during the Tang Dynasty," the fact core said. "The first card game was invented the next year, right after everyone began to be very bored of the blank cards."

"Going to space," said the space core.

"Well," said Wheatly, "How about another hand? Yes, I am lucky today."

"I hate to scare you," said the adventure core, "but I'm an adventurer."

"In the 1820's sailors invented a game similar to poker," said the fact core, "It has also been said that the sailors at the time ended up very poor."

"Well," said Wheatly, "let's play." The tablets in front of them glowed. The center tablets showed stats, money, and other cards.

Crazy Dave landed in a seat. "Deal me in," he said.

Crazy Dave got a two and four. "I have nothing," he said after a while, "I'm all in."

"Why are you all in with nothing?" asked Wheatly.  
"Because I'm crazy!"

"Well," said Wheatly, "I go all in too."

"That's funny," said the adventurer core, "me too. I have two aces in my hand, two on the table. I win."

"Well," said Wheatly, "I still have all the cards, and guess what- they're all full houses."

"That's awfully nice," said the adventure core, "I'll take the reward now."

Then a note fell onto the table.

_Hello, wez no zombys_

_We r nic peeple frm acros street_

_Sined the __zombys __the nce peepl acros the stret _

"Well," said Wheatly, "they sound nice. We'll leave the portal open for them."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Are they gone?" asked Wheatly. Wheatly, Crazy Dave, and the other cores were in the closet. The cores hung on the rail attached to the ceiling.

"Letting the zombies in was a bad idea." said Crazy Dave.

"You think? This is very bad! Those zombies have buckets and cones!"

"Well," said the adventure core, "We should close the portal."

"I know!" Wheatly exclaimed. "We'll close it right after we get out of this closet! However, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a little busy not getting my circuits eaten!"

"Why don't we leave?" asked the adventure core.

"We're too busy fighting off the zombies by hiding in this closet."

"How does this help? Crazy Dave do you know?"

"Because I'm crazy!" he replied.

"That's great," said Wheatly, "and I'm not crazy, because uncrazy people hide in closets during zombie attacks."

"Your right," said Crazy Dave, "Crazy people break vases and bowl with walnuts."

"None of that is normal," said the adventure core.

"I know," said Wheatly, "and that is why we are in this closet."

"So we are crazy?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Crazy Dave.

"Well," said the adventure core, "I'm going to go close the portal. Who's with me?"

"Fine," said Wheatly, "We'll all go."

They opened the closet door and snuck out. They went along stealthily. Well, as stealthily as possible, which wasn't very sneaky since four of them were stuck to the ceiling. They moved towards the tablet/poker table.

"Yes!" yelled Wheatly victoriously. "We made it!"

Zombies turned to face them. They ran, screaming as they went. They only stopped to breathe after the closet door was locked.

"At least we closed the portal," said the adventure core.

"About that..." started Wheatly.

"You didn't close it, did you?"

"Um, no. I did not. Well, on the bright side, we are safe. For now, that is."

"I think we should try again," said the adventure core.

"No!" Wheatly yelled. "We are too busy doing something important, and I'll tell you what that important thing is, right after I think of what that very important thing is."

"I'm going," said the adventure core, "coming?"

"You can't make me. Not in a million years or ever, for that matter."

The adventure core left.

"Wait for me!" Wheatly called.

The five ran out of the closet and into the open. There was a large group of zombies.

"This is bad," Wheatly said.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Wheatly, Crazy Dave, the space core, the fact core, and the adventure core ran to the portal. The zombies got closer.

"Hurry," Wheatly yelled, "the zombies are coming!"

They ran to the portal and jumped through. They landed on Crazy Dave's lawn. The cores fell to the grass.

"The rail is gone!" Wheatley exclaimed.

Crazy Dave got out his nuclear generator. "Uh oh," he said.

"What?"

"It's overheating. Soon it will blow up."

"Good. I mean bad! Use it anyway; it will only destroy a few streets."

Crazy Dave turned the power up. Zombies flowed through the portal. The generator began to blink red. Crazy Dave threw it in a vase on the lawn. He ran to his van.

"Hurry!" Wheatly yelled.

Crazy Dave grabbed his magic taco and took a bite.

"What did that do?" Wheatly asked.

"I was hungry," Crazy Dave replied. "Where did I put the generator?"

The plants grew to full size as the zombies came through the portal.

"They have cones!" Wheatly yelled, "Help!"

The generator beeped loudly. The vase shook. The plants got ready to attack. Crazy Dave grabbed the cores and shoved them in his van. He climbed in and slammed the trunk shut. The zombies got to the plants. The generator beeped louder. The vase fell over and the generator exploded, evaporating the plants and opening Crazy Dave's trunk. The cores and Crazy Dave fell out. The zombies turned and stepped towards them.

"Help!" Wheatly screamed.

The zombies inched closer. They reached the van.

"Spare me!" Wheatly screamed.

The zombies stopped.

"It worked!" Wheatly yelled.

The zombies stepped forward.

"Never mind."

The zombies stopped in front of them. They stood.

"Plant?" a zombie said, confused.

"What?" Wheatly asked.

"We vegetarian zombies, we just nice people across street."

"Oh," said Wheatly, "so you won't eat us."

"Only plant."

"Oh... wait, all the 'oh no, it's a monster' didn't need to happen, did it?"

"No. We leave; no plant. We find plant."

"Bye."

"Bye."

The zombies turned and walked away.

"You owe me a nuclear generator," Crazy Dave said to Wheatly.

"I don't have that," Wheatly said, "but you can have Aperture Science and that building will be yours."

"Deal," he said. Crazy Dave grabbed his taco and went through the portal. It closed.

"He got ripped off," said Wheatly, "Wait... how are we going to move? Come back! Crazy Dave! Crazy Dave? Well, this is interesting. Hello? Humans? Hello..."

THE END


End file.
